Director: Patrick Lussier | Writer: Todd Farmer

Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Kevin Tighe, Megan Boone

Year: 2009 | IMDb: 5.4/10

This 2009 version is a remake of the 1981 version, and you can go back to watch that one if you want, but I don’t think it’s at all worth it.  This movie is hideous, and what’s worse, it’s framed as a cool slasher flick, a throwback to the oldies.  But it’s not anywhere near as good as its predecessors can be, as its genre can be; it’s just a joke.

In Harmony, the mine is the town, but when an accident causes one miner to go crazy and kill his coworkers, Harmony suddenly isn’t so harmonious and the mine isn’t so lucrative.  A young man returns home to face down a few demons, but the Valentine’s Day murders start up again, targeting those connected to the old mine, and the psycho killer won’t stop until all the blood has been paid.

Oh god, how silly, and then there’s the mini Dawson’s Creek reunion to consider; it just gets worse every time you look at it more closely.  The actors are awful, the plot is stupid, the gore is gross, and the entire film feels like a morbidly curious creepazoid who you wish you didn’t go to high school with.  My Bloody Valentine is not worth the physical film it was shot on; stay away.

My rating: ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

 

By ochippie

Writer, Critic, Dad Columbus, Ohio, USA Denver Broncos, St. Louis Cardinals Colorado Avalanche, Duke Blue Devils

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