Hatchet is what horror is not supposed to be; only gore. Yes, it tries to be a nod to a million other slasher flicks, but when all the tricks are gone it’s only gore, and that’s not good enough. Hatchet is a movie you watch for no reason other than you had nothing else to do, and yet you still regret your choice even when you’re done and you *still* have nothing left to do. Basically, it’s a waste of time, but at least it’s not a waste of talent.
A small group go on a nighttime tour of the swamps of New Orleans, hoping to catch some ghosts and/or wandering spirits. What they find instead is an urban legend come to life, and he’s not happy to have visitors. Years ago, a deformed child was raised in solitude in the swamps, only to be killed in an accident perpetrated by young pranksters. But he’s not actually dead, maybe he can’t die, and he’s sure found a taste for murder.
Hatchet has about as much silly gore and about the worst acting as you are ever likely to find in a b-movie horror flick, with the cinematography of a high school film class project to boot. Basically, it’s the worst of the worst, and perhaps that’s why it has a small following; it’s just so bad it’s funny. I didn’t laugh though; I thought it was insulting. The acting, the story, the killing, the complete lack of self-awareness; it was just painful to see. It did feature some slasher royalty (Candyman, Friday the 13th), but even that seemed cheap. Don’t ask why I then watched Part 2, because I don’t understand myself.
My rating: ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆