Director: Peyton Reed
Starring: Paul Rudd, Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathryn Newton
Evangeline Lilly, Michael Douglas, Jonathan Majors, Katy M. O’Brian
Year: 2023
“One last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.” People, it’s time to close the door on the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and to accept that the magic dust has officially been used up. There is nothing left to say, do, or explore, these latest films are simply exercises in futility, or, more likely, simply cash grabs. Now, they’ll go on & on & on & on & on, world without end, but that doesn’t mean that we should keep subjecting ourselves to a universe that is completely dried up, as much as they keep trying to squeeze it, expand it, jump start it, you name it. The MCU is dead, and all that’s left for us to do to announce the end is to stop watching.
Scott Lang is back & happy; the blip the over, the Infinity War is done, the Quantum Realm is behind him, he’s famous for helping to save Earth, his daughter is back at his side, and all is right with the world. Well, until not-as-little Cassie sends a message to the subatomic regions of time & space and someone answers back. Turns out, there’s a whole world down there, and it’s in big trouble. Kang the Conqueror has set up shop in the Quantum Realm, exiled there by higher powers before he takes over every universe and every dimension. He’s powerful enough to do that and crazy enough to try it, so it’s up to Ant-Man & Wasp, both OG and new wave, along with Cassie’s help, and a whole rebellion in the making, to take him down for good.
OK, first, the MCU. Quantumania is just another installment of what’s being called the Multiverse Saga, which is planned to encompass 3 “phases” and include at least 17 films. 17!!! The Infinity Saga was 3 phases as well, with 23 total films, but while that felt long, it also felt like it was aimed at something awesome, and, lucky for us, turns out it was. This Saga already feels like it’s heading goddam nowhere and is already too long, mostly because when you open the door to everything you can’t really focus on anything. Making a multitude of movies about every possible universe, dimension, and timeline is just a terrible idea, it’s way too broad, and we’re already tired of seeing multiple of the same hero jump to multiple of the same stories, messing with our minds, space time, and, ultimately, the MCU’s quality. And now DC is copying with the new Flash movie? Just stop, I beg you.
Even without all the mess of the Multiverse, Ant-Man was already the weakest hero and film series, banking on comedy alone and failing at literally everything else. We like when Paul Rudd appears in the MCU films, but his stand-alone projects kinda suck, which has a lot to do with the people supporting him, because he was OK the first time around, but the second installment relied too heavily on others, and they shit the bed. Lilly is abysmal, just so bad, and I can’t believe they brought back Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer; what the holy hell were they thinking? The parts where Pfeiffer attempts acting are simply embarrassing, and she’s way to prominent to hide. The world is crazy, the story goes everywhere, and the dialogue is maybe the worst we’ve seen; there’s really nothing good to say. The only reason this movie isn’t basement bottom is because it’s a little fun, there’s always something happening, and it flies by so fast, you almost enjoy parts despite yourself. But when the characters talk, that’s when things go south, and, umm, that’s a really bad sign. Please stop making these movies, unless you plan to make them SO much better.
My rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
