Monthly Archives: April 2017

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Movie Trailer – Jungle

Category : Movie Trailer

Director: Greg McLean

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Thomas Kretschmann, Alex Russell

Release: 2017

There are two types of moviegoers in this world, those that want to see Daniel Radcliffe in Jungle and those who want to see Daniel Radcliffe in Swiss Army Man.  Count me in the latter group, that’s what I watch, that’s what I enjoy.  Now, I can appreciate a tricked-in-the-woods, gotta-survive type of film, but I definitely would prefer a quirky story over a true one, at least in this scenario.  Ol’ Harry is a good actor, I just don’t trust this or really want to watch it.


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Movie Trailer – Kingsman: The Golden Circle #2

Category : Movie Trailer

Director: Matthew Vaughn

Starring: Taron Egerton, Channing Tatum, Jeff Bridges

Release: September 29th, 2017

I liked the first in this surprising franchise much more than I thought I might, reminding me that you can always be wrong, even when you’re sure you won’t be.  Kingsman was pure entertainment, and I can hardly wait for the 2nd one.  The first trailer was just a teaser, now we have the real thing, and I am excited.


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Movie Review – The Scorned

Category : Movie Review

Director: Robert Kubilos

Starring: Jenna Lewis, Steven Hill, Bob Guiney

Year: 2005

Sometimes I feel like I must be the only person not in (or related to) this cast who owns a copy of this film.  I mean, it’s been out for 11 & 1/2 years and only 298 people have rated it on IMDb.  That’s worse than most porn movies, which is funny, since The Scorned is kind of a porn movie.  It’s a genre of its own in a way, reality porn, showing you the boobs and lack of talent from a variety of reality TV “stars”, allowing you to showcase the worst parts of yourself as well.  These people were once semi-famous, in the reality boom of early 2000s anyway, bringing Survivor, The Bachelor, Real World, and others into our living room with more youthful exuberance than actual social experimentation, but we ate it up all the same.  Anyway, I was and am a reality junkie, this stuff was my jam coming out of high school, I’ve watched this movie multiple times, and so almost no one is more qualified to tell you how terrible it is than me.

In a Malibu beach house during a carefree summer, a group of friends are about to get more than they bargained for.  Kirsten wants to be an actress, Oliver is her ex-boyfriend, Seth is starting a fitness/nutrition company, DQ is mooching off them all, and various boy/girlfriends flit in & out during parties and sexual encounters.  But the house holds a dark secret, and the ghost who resides there is ready to haunt.  The landlord, a man named Matt, once fought with his fiancee Raina over his affair with her friend Nichola, leading to a tragic accident that still fuels rumors in the area.  Is Raina dead, did Matt kill her, is she the ghost who won’t go away, why is she killing off cheaters one by one, and who can stop her?

The plot is something I could make up in the next 12 seconds, the cast can’t act their way out of a damp paper towel, yet somehow I love The Scorned all the same.  I’m sure it’s by affection for these real people, I watched them on TV religiously, and so I had to enjoy their collective attempt to make a movie.  And then there are all the boobs, an unabashed attempt to capture the attention of everyone who watched Survivor and thought “wouldn’t it be nice to see Jenna naked.”  It’s cheap, it’s stupid, it’s manipulative, it’s wrong, but I’m still glad I own the DVD.  For those who grew up in the same era and watched the same shows, this movie is for you.  But even I can’t actually call it good, as much as I’m entertained by it; it’s the exact opposite, and if you don’t already know who these people are, you should run right now.  Jonny Fairplay, Trishelle Cannatella, Ethan Zohn, Tonya Cooley, Jenna Morasca, Trish Schneider; ring any bells?  If not, go before it’s too late.

My rating: ☆ ☆

 

 


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Movie Trailer – Pilgrimage

Category : Movie Trailer

Director: Brendan Muldowney

Starring: Tom Holland, Richard Armitage, Jon Bernthal

Release: August 11th, 2017

This movie looks like nothing more than a Hammer of the Gods– or Sword of Vengeance-type film, just with a few b-list actors thrown in to trick us into watching.  It doesn’t look like an actual drama, more like a History Channel original masquerading as something more.  Maybe it’s simply a terrible trailer, maybe someone needs fired, but I don’t trust it.  Tom Holland needs to stay far away from things like this and focus on being Spider-Man.


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Movie Trailer – Overdrive

Category : Movie Trailer

Director: Antonio Negret

Starring: Scott Eastwood, Ana de Armas, Freddie Thorp

Release: 2017

This director specializes in episodes of literally the worst television shows in modern times.  The Flash, Lethal Weapon, Arrow, MacGyver, Scorpion; my god.  Now he wants to make a comically over-actioned heist film?  I’m not sure if that makes me more angry or if it’s the fact that people will actually watch it, because they sure watch bad TV.  The cherry on the top is Scott Eastwood’s terrible acting, which can’t even be masked by Ana de Armas’ extreme hotness.


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Movie Review – Sand Castle

Category : Movie Review

Director: Fernando Coimbra

Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Logan Marshall-Green, Henry Cavill

Year: 2017

I feel like I’ve watched Hoult grow up and become a great, young actor right before my eyes, something I consider myself lucky to have experienced.  About a Boy, X-Men, Warm Bodies, Young Ones, Fury Road, Equals; kid’s got talent.  I trusted him to take on a complicated role like this, even though the subject matter is a little laden and tends to lean toward the over-dramatic.  This isn’t the first time we’ve seen a film about the Iraq war, and it won’t be the last, but I was actually excited to see Hoult’s take on it, hopeful that he could do something unique with the standard shaken-soldier role.  A mediocre result won’t destroy my faith in the guy, but I am disappointed that Sand Castle turned out to be just another take in a long line of takes and a movie we won’t remember for long.

As the American invasion of Baghdad began, excitement mounted among the troops assigned to this most difficult of tasks.  Some were ready for “their war”, some sought the action, some were prepared to do their jobs.  A few, and count Private Ocre among them, just wanted to go home.  Joining the Reserves to pay for college in July 2001, Ocre never imagined a terror attack would propel his country into war, nor that he would be fighting on the front lines.  So while others around him are raring to go, he’s smashing his hand in the door of a Humvee, hoping that he can stay behind rather than enter a dangerous world that he has never been, and never will be, prepared for.

I have enjoyed these three main actors in various films, but combined they were a level below the quality needed to pull off a film of this emotional magnitude.  Hoult was a perfect scared Private, but he played the part one-note to a fault.  Marshall-Green was a fine Sergeant, but just isn’t an Oscar-caliber guy.  Cavill, who looked like a goddam badass, was under-used and turned into a caricature.  All three were asked to use phony accents, two actors being British in real life, and the result was almost comical.  Then add in that the plot was something we’ve seen a thousand times before, the dialogue built on cliched conversation that I hope to never hear again.  The film was saved, perhaps, by its intent, and by the accuracy of its depiction of the complications of the war zone, but even that strength couldn’t cover up the variety of other weaknesses.

My rating: ☆ ☆ ☆

 


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Movie Trailer – The Man with the Iron Heart

Category : Movie Trailer

Director: Cedric Jimenez

Starring: Jason Clarke, Jack O’Connell, Rosamund Pike

Release: 2017

Someone else literally just made this movie.  It’s called Anthropoid, it’s good, and I guess it’s told from a more personal perspective, but it’s almost exactly the same.  This film feels more Hollywood, will have more action, more of a global scope of the Nazi uprising, but basically it’s telling the same story.  Now, I like this story, this era, this war, I’ll watch most anything about it, so count me in.  I’m just slightly put off that this might be a copy.


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Movie Trailer – Wakefield

Category : Movie Trailer

Director: Robin Swicord

Starring: Bryan Cranston

Release: May 19th, 2017

My original impulse was to write this movie off before I had even watched the trailer, but once again sometimes it’s good to be wrong.  Although, perhaps it’s just a strong trailer, perhaps the music got me where the acting might not.  But I think this could be a success, as long as the director is able to keep the plot on track and not let it become vagrant too.


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Sports – 2017 NFL Schedule

Category : Sports

The NFL schedule was released for the 2017 season, and there are so many marquee matchups that I might not be able to stand it.  The Broncos, who are of course my team, have a very entertaining schedule, as does seemingly every club in the league.  With the Draft coming up in a week and preseason just around the corner, I’m starting to get excited for what should be another excellent NFL season.  Check out NFL.com/schedules for a complete run-down, but here are a few of the meetings that I am most anticipating:

Week 1 – Seahawks vs Packers

Week 2 – Cowboys vs Broncos

Week 3 – Saints vs Panthers

Week 4 – Steelers vs Ravens

Week 5 – Packers vs Cowboys

Week 6 – Giants vs Broncos

Week 7 – Falcons vs Patriots

Week 8 – Colts vs Bengals

Week 9 – Chiefs vs Cowboys

Week 10 – Patriots vs Broncos

Week 11 – Falcons vs Seahawks

Week 12 – Giants vs Redskins

Week 13 – Steelers vs Bengals

Week 14 – Raiders vs Chiefs

Week 15 – Cowboys vs Raiders

Week 16 – Colts vs Ravens

Week 17 – Cardinals vs Seahawks

Save


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Movie Trailer – The Little Hours

Category : Movie Trailer

Director: Jeff Baena

Starring: Aubrey Plaza, Kate Micucci, Alison Brie

Dave Franco, John C. Reilly, Molly Shannon, Fred Armisen

Release: June 30th, 2017

It’s like a Monty Python skit but with Dave Franco.  Now, I love Monty Python, I hate Dave Franco, but I think I might actually enjoy this weird melding.  It looks hilariously wrong and weird and wacky, like something that shouldn’t have been made but was, somehow landing on its feet.  I hope there’s actual gratuitous material though, I think it’s called for, and otherwise it’ll just look like another SNL comedy flop.